The Long Road Home
by quinnovative
Summary: She was breaking, slowly, crack by crack until suddenly it all just fell apart. It was never supposed to turn out this way. AU and some Jisbon. "I remember. I remember everything... and it's horrible."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have been so ridiculously busy lately that I didn't have time to write, but I've found some extra time now and decided to write another fic. Thanks for reading and feel free to leave a review, they're greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist or any of its characters.**

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><p>The snow fell in thick flurries as Veronica drove cautiously. Just a few miles from her house she noticed a grey SUV rammed into a tree. Beside it a dark crimson, stark in contrast, seeped into the untouched snow. Immediately Veronica's prior experience as a nurse took control. Without hesitation she pulled over and ran to the crippled car. The snow dampened her calves as she trudged toward the SUV. The glass was shattered, as Veronica peered in she saw a young woman in the driver's seat. Her dark brown hair cascaded down her shoulders, her skin was pale and her nose red. The lady's body fell limp against the moistening seat, a deep red seeping from her petite figure. Veronica took out her phone to dial 911 but found that there was no signal because of the snow storm. Taking action, Veronica opened the door and placed her hand on the lady's wrist, beneath her fingers she felt a dull beating. Veronica rushed to her truck and drove it down the icy hill to the SUV.<p>

As gently as she could, Veronica lifted the woman and laid her on the back seat. The snow storm became heavier and Veronica realized that there was no way she could make it to the hospital. Within a few minutes and with the help of her husband, Henry, the woman was lying on a make shift bed in Veronica's guest bathroom. Veronica had begun washing the woman's wounds when she heard a quiet knock on the door.

"Sammy?" Veronica asked.

"It's me." Called a little voice.

"One sec."

Veronica washed her hands and met Sammy outside the bathroom.

"What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could help you?"

"Of course honey, but I have to warn you, it's a bit bloody and she's really hurt so we have to be very careful. Sure you want to help?"

Sammy nodded, "I can do it." She declared confidently.

"Alright then, come in."

After putting on some rubber gloves she found in the garage and explaining a few things to Sammy they began working. Veronica undressed the woman to her under garments and washed her wounds. From what she saw Veronica surmised that the woman would survive.

"Hey Sammy, I've got something you can do!"

"Really?" Sammy inquired hopefully, her eyes brightened with excitement.

"Yep! Could you take her coat and look for anything we can use to identify her?"

Sammy nodded dutifully and took the clothing, 10 minutes later she called out.

"I'm finished."

"Great! What did you find?"

"Her ah wallet, a phone, and a badge."

"Is there a driver's license in the wallet?"

"mhhhmm, it says Teresa Lisbon."

"Well we've got a name, any other information?"

"Her badge is for the CBI, what's that?"

"I don't know sweetie, let's try to find out."

...

Once they had cleaned all the wounds, bandaged her up and reclothed her in a pair of warm pajamas Veronica had Henry carry Teresa into the guest bedroom. They laid her on the bed and placed a fuzzy blanket on her.

Just as the sun was setting the family gathered for dinner around a large wooden table.

"So I heard you were a big helper today, Sammy?" Henry said.

Sammy nodded enthusiastically, "I helped Grams figure out the name of the lady and I helped grab clothes and bandages."

"Nice job Sammy!" He replied, giving her a high-five.

"How is she Veronica?" Henry asked.

"She's not in the best of shape, but she_ will_ live. When she wakes up she's going to be in a lot of pain though. She has a pretty deep cut on the back of her head, probably a concussion, what appears to be a bruised rib, and a sprained wrist." Veronica replied.

"Yikes, at least she'll be okay. Did you figure out who she is?"

"Sort of, Sammy helped me figure out that her name is Teresa Lisbon and she works for the California Bureau of Investigation so she must be some kind of detective. I think she's in her late 30s. But what I don't understand is why she was around here and what caused her to crashed. Hopefully she'll wake up soon."

...

An hour later a soft rustling came from the guest bedroom.

"I think she's up!" Veronica said.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I'll try to update fairly regularly, hopefully once a day. Alright, here's chapter two. Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist of any of its characters.**

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><p>Lisbon blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting to the sudden light. The room around her appeared to be a soft teal in her fuzzy vision. As she stirred she heard quiet footsteps treading down the hall. An older woman entered the room. Her grey hair framed her face in easy curls and a kind smile was on her wrinkled face. Lisbon tensed at the presence of another person in this unfamiliar place. Lisbon tried to sit up as the lady perched on a chair beside the bed. Lisbon gasped as pain instantly shot through her.<p>

The lady spoke in a soothing voice, "Careful, you don't want to hurt yourself" she uttered as she helped Lisbon lie back down.

"I heard you wake up, how are you feeling honey?" The older woman continued.

Lisbon looked around confused, her vision starting to clear, "I'm fine, who are you and what happened?" Lisbon had no recollection of the past few days.

"Oh I'm sorry, I completely forgot to introduce myself. My name's Veronica. I live here with my husband, Henry. We have two daughters. they must be a few years older than you. But they're off with their own families now and right now my oldest daughter's little girl is staying with us."

Lisbon nodded politely "I'm Teresa Lisbon. What happened?"

"Poor thing, you don't remember?

Lisbon shook her head and winced.

Veronica began recounting the events of her story. Lisbon listened without interrupting, trying desperately to remember what happened. By the time Veronica finished Lisbon felt even more perplexed and frustrated.

"Are you okay?" Said Veronica.

"Yeah. Thank you so much for helping me." Lisbon said gratefully.

"Oh don't be silly," Veronica waved a dismissive hand, "I couldn't just leave you there."

Lisbon was usually apprehensive towards strangers; untrusting and reluctant to open up to them. But for some reason Lisbon felt close to Veronica. maybe it was her caring manner or gentleness, but she reminded Lisbon of her mother and that made Lisbon trust her.

"How are you feeling?" Veronica inquired.

"I'm okay."

"Nah-uh don't give me any of that, now how do you really feel?" She said with a knowing look.

Lisbon gave a small smile, "I'm exhausted, and everything hurts. A lot."

"That's more like it," Veronica winked, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Could I have a glass of water, please?"

"Of course, I'll be right back with it."

Lisbon took the time alone to compose herself and clear her head. The physical pain was much easier to deal with than the emotional pain. When she had first woken up her whole body collectively ached but now everything hurt differently. Her head pounded and her stomach was flipping, a sharp pain pierced through her wrist. Lisbon took a deep breath, moments later Veronica came into view with a glass of water. She handed it to Lisbon and took a seat.

"Are you tired or do you want to talk for a bit?"

"I am a little tired but don't mind talking."

"Okay, so tell me about yourself."

"What do you want to know?"

"Um where do you live? What do you do?"

"I live in Sacramento, California. I'm a senior special agent for the CBI."

"What's the CBI?"

Lisbon laughed at the familiarity of the question, "CBI stands for California Bureau of Investigation. We're a state agency and investigate statewide crimes. My team is the Serious Crimes Unit. We deal mostly with homicides."

Veronica nodded, "And you said you were a special agent for the CBI what does that mean?"

"Basically it means that I'm in charge of my team, they call me boss and I get to make the final decision.. it also means that I get to do a bunch of extra paperwork."

Veronica laughed, "paperwork is a killer isn't it?"

"Tell me about it." Lisbon said with a smirk. "What do you do?"

"Oh I'm retired now but I was a nurse."

They talked for a while longer until Lisbon's eyes felt heavy with sleep and she began nodding off.

Veronica stood up. "You look exhausted. How's the pain?"

"I'm-" She began.

"Honest answer." Veronica stated with a smile.

"It hurts but I'll be fine."

"I'm so sorry sweetie, I know it's late, and you're hurt and in an unfamiliar place but don't you worry. We're going to take care of you. You're a toughy I can tell. You'll pull through."

"Thank you so much, really I don't know how to respond."

"It's no problem" Veronica said as she gave Lisbon a gentle hug.

Veronica turned out the lights.

"Goodnight Teresa and if you need anything just call"

"Thank you, goodnight Veronica" Lisbon said sleepily.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Not much to say, I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist or any of its characters.**

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><p>The night was absolutely horrible. She kept having the same terrible dream over and over again, but every time she woke it seemed to disappear and she couldn't remember what happened. Loud crashes and bangs played in her head along with the reoccurring image of a long road laid out before her. Lisbon knew it was linked to the crash. It was heartbreaking to be so close yet so far. In all her life Lisbon had always been able to rely on her memory. She could still picture, in crisp detail, many memories from her childhood. Especially the worst ones. It seemed as though her own body was turning on her.<p>

Lisbon woke up in a cold sweat, shaking, her breath coming in rapid gasps. She had a piercing headache and felt as though she was going to throw up. Her stomach churned uncomfortably. Lisbon shook her hands nervously, on the verge of a breakdown. Her body ached. She couldn't do this, it was all too much. Lisbon kept repeating 3 simple words to herself; you'll be okay, you'll be okay, you'll be okay. She bit her lip to keep a yelp from escaping. Slowly Lisbon curled into a ball and willed the pain to stop. She squeezed her eyes shut and tears slipped down her cheek. To be honest, she was downright terrified. She felt so helpless, so alone, without any idea of what to do.

Just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, Lisbon heard light footsteps coming down the hall. The simple distraction was enough to temporarily ease her pain.

"Hello?" She called when a small figure appeared in her doorway. The figure turned to retreat when it heard Lisbon's voice.

"Wait! Come back!"

It was silent for a few seconds until Lisbon heard the steps return.

"Come in." Lisbon said quietly.

As she got closer Lisbon recognized the silhouette as a little girl. With the presence of another human in the room Lisbon relaxed. Already her breath came in slower, more regular gasps. They stared at each other for a few minutes before the young girl muttered a timid hi. Beneath her feet the wooden floor was cool, she shifted nervously.

"Hi there," Lisbon said with a small smile. "my name's Teresa, what's yours?"

"I'm Samantha, but everyone calls me Sammy."

"Nice to meet you Sammy, what are you doing up so late?"

Sammy shrugged. "I don't know."

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"No, I just miss home." Sammy breathed in the darkness.

"Me too." Lisbon replied sadly.

"Where's your home?"

"California."

"That's where mine is!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, my mommy and I live there. You kind of look like her."

Lisbon smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. My mommy is really pretty."

"I bet she is, you're very pretty too."

Sammy blushed and looked down at her feet. "Thanks."

"No problem, do you wanna come up here?" Lisbon patted an empty space beside She needed a distraction from her pain and the feeling of another person close by.

"Oh I'm okay."

"Are you sure? It's super comfy." Lisbon persuaded.

"Okay." Sammy climbed on the bed and snuggled under the blanket.

The lights were out and both girls lie on their backs gazing up at the white ceiling. Lisbon figured that at the time, silence with another person was better than silence alone. But still her stomach twisted. In the dim shimmer of the stars Sammy asked a question.

"Teresa?"

"Yeah?"

"What's your mom like?"

"Oh um," Lisbon hesitated, this wasn't a question she was expecting and the subject of her mom was something she tried to avoid altogether. It was too painful, the ache in her heart would persist until . "My mom, well, uh, she passed away a long time ago. But she was the most amazing woman I've ever met."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Sammy said sadly.

"It's okay." Lisbon shrugged, hopeful of moving on to a different topic.

"What about your dad?" Sammy inquired.

Lisbon froze, out of all topics, that of her dad was the hardest to discuss. But there's something about darkness that makes it easier to reveal things. The darkness embraces your words, blanketing them in secrecy. Every word uttered feels both sacred and protected. Here she was going again; opening up to strangers. However, the nightfall got to her, as did the warm innocent silhouette with wide eyes and curious thoughts.

"He was good until my mom's death. It led him down a bad path until eventually..." She paused and took a shaky breath, "eventually he passed too."

Even in the darkness Lisbon could see the storm that filled Sammy's eyes. Having seen that look on her face Lisbon had a feeling that the young girl had a deep understanding of the world, she knew more than most kids her age. Something deep inside them was a like, they were both damaged in similar ways.

"My dad too, he um- he didn't do very good things and he screamed a lot. He wasn't nice to Mommy and me. Sometimes he would get really angry for no reason and Mom would tell me to go sit in my room until she came to get me. All I could hear was yelling and later on Dad would leave and Mom would cry. On those nights I'd go sleep with Mom in her bed."

Sammy looked up at Lisbon with glossy eyes, the older woman gave a small nod of reassurance, encouraging Sammy to continue.

"Some nights I wished he wouldn't come back and then one night he didn't."

The silver moonlight glinted off Sammy's eyes.

"Come here." Lisbon whispered, her arms open.

Sammy scooted over until she was beside Lisbon. Lisbon hugged the little girl until sleep claimed their distressed bodies, her physical pain long forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I hope everyone had wonderful holidays, whatever you may celebrate :) I struggled for a few days to find time for writing between the holidays and school work. At last, I found time to write today and ended up writing the majority of chapter five in a few hours. It's a bit long, I hope it makes up for the delay. Thanks for reading and don't forget reviews are always welcome and highly encouraged! I hope you guys enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist or any of its characters.**

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><p>When the sun rose the next morning relief washed over Lisbon like an ocean wave. Finally she could breathe easier. Though with the comfort light provided there also came a negative. Now that she could see her environment Lisbon felt a bit more comfortable and alert. Lisbon's vision was now clear, but in the morning everything looked sharper. The whole situation became real. She couldn't deny it, she was stranded in a foreign place, alone. A single name persisted through her thoughts: <em>Jane.<em> Where was he? What was he doing? What had happened? He was probably linked to all of this some how. Otherwise he would have been here. Jane wouldn't leave her alone, not again. They'd made a promise just weeks ago- no matter what, they would stand by each other. She couldn't remember why they made the promise, only that they had. Though, even now Lisbon had to question Jane. Promises seemed to be disposable to him. Lisbon huffed in frustration and hurt. Beside her the steady breath of Sammy provided Lisbon with reassurance. She made a move to get up before realizing her injuries would make the simple task rather difficult. The night before she'd been a bit loopy and hadn't paid much attention. She must have made a loud commotion because moments later Veronica came in.

"Hey." Teresa sighed.

"Hey, you look like you're struggling..."

"Just a bit. What's wrong with me anyway?"

"I don't know for sure but what I figure is a concussion, a cut on your head, a bruised rib and a sprained wrist."

"Wow."

Next to her Sammy rose. Blushing, she muttered a good morning and rushed out of the room, breathing an excuse. Lisbon looked questioningly to Veronica.

Veronica sighed. "I'm not really sure. She's been so distant lately. It's like she's afraid of getting attached. Her Dad wasn't a good man, he finally left them about a month ago. They used to live in California but after he left Sammy and her mom moved here. Sammy's mom, Amanda, dropped her off at my house two weeks back. Amanda said something about pulling her life back together. I think she's planning on moving away, getting a new job- Starting over again with Sammy." She explained.

"Well that sounds like a good plan. I'm sure a fresh start will help them out." Lisbon said.

"Me too. But this right now, isn't good for Sammy. She misses her mom and she doesn't know where her Dad is. Amanda hasn't even called home yet. I tried talking to her before she left but Amanda wouldn't listen."

"I'm sure it will all work itself out." Lisbon reassured with a half-smile.

"It always does." Veronica said. "What about you? Did anything come back last night?"

"No, not really."

"Nothing?"

"I mean... I kept having a dream about a car crash but that easily could be based off what you told me. I can't even remember it now." Lisbon said with a sigh. She refused to tell anyone about Jane, he was just too close. Jane was her little shred of hope, a secret, the only thing she had to hold onto and she wasn't going to let it go now. The thought of him created a whirl wind of emotions in her head and butterflies in her stomach, or maybe more like frogs, little origami jumping frogs. The though made Lisbon smile to herself. Jane messed up. A lot. But he could always make up for it.

Veronica interrupted her thoughts. "Don't get discouraged, you'll remember soon enough. I was planning on taking you to the doctor today but the storm outside is still raging on."

Lisbon turned and looked out the window. The snow coated the ground and the trees and the rooftops. It appeared that everything had been blanketed by the flurries. The white snow was so pure and untouched, Lisbon longed to be with it. Outside she would be free, the cold could give her answers and the wind could take her away. There was comfort in leaving, breaking away. Letting go is easy once you're gone. So long as you remember not to look back. That was her problem with Jane. She was always going to look back for him. He was unforgettable.

As much as Veronica had done for her, Lisbon wanted to leave. She felt as though she was invading on their lives- and she felt like she was losing hers.

Silence passed between them, thick like summer air.

"Do you want some help out of bed? You should be able to walk without too much pain."

"I think I got it." Lisbon replied an overwhelming anxiety for independence taking over.

"Okay." Veronica nodded.

Slowly Lisbon inched herself to the edge of the bed. Biting her lip to distract from the pain she eventually made it to her feet.

"Nice job!" Veronica congratulated.

Lisbon panted a thanks.

Veronica gave Lisbon a quick tour of the house. It was one story, with three bedrooms and three bathrooms.

When they had finished Lisbon took a seat on the couch across from Veronica. The warm brown absorbed her as she sunk into the soft material.

"How are you feeling?" Veronica asked.

"Fine." Lisbon spoke, her walls had been rebuilt overnight. She wasn't ready to let strangers in. When she woke up in the morning she felt ashamed for even considering that Veronica was like her mother. Her mother was one-of-a-kind, incredible, caring, strong, loving, irreplaceable; no one would ever compare.

This time Veronica didn't fight it, she nodded.

"Where am I?" Lisbon asked. "I know I was in a car crash and I know I'm here, but where exactly is _here_?"

"Grantsville, Utah it's about forty minutes outside Salt Lake City."

"Oh my god. Utah. I live in Sacramento, California. How long of a drive is that?"

"Umm with snow, probably anywhere from nine and a half to ten and a half hours."

Lisbon's jaw dropped.

"Where's my car?" She thought out loud.

"Oh that reminds me, I need to go call the towing company."

"The towing company? Was it that bad?"

"I'm afraid so, your car might be under inches of snow by now."

"But how am I supposed to get home?" Lisbon asked in horror, disbelief taking over her features.

"Home? Honey, you're in no condition to drive. You need to recover before you can go anywhere."

"No, I can't. I truly appreciate everything you have done for me, you've been so kind and you saved my life. I will never be able to repay you. But I need to get home, I need to figure out what happened."

"The streets are covered in snow, there's no way anyone could drive now. We're lucky we got our phone reception back an hour ago. Tell you what, I'll call the company now and we can figure out the condition of your car, then we'll reassess?"

Reluctantly Lisbon agreed. As Veronica stood up Lisbon asked another question. "Did I have my phone on me?"

"You did, would you like me to get it?"

Lisbon nodded eagerly. Her phone would have answers, Jane would know what happened.

"Thank you!" Lisbon said a few minutes later when Veronica returned with her clothes and possessions. Lisbon blushed, realizing that someone had changed her clothes. Though the embarrassment quickly passed with the excitement of the information her phone would reveal. Thankfully Lisbon had hurt her left wrist, leaving her right hand in good condition to do everything it normally did.

"I'll give you some privacy. I'm going to go call the towing company. Bye."

"Ok thanks." Lisbon said as Veronica left the room.

Disregarding all the missed calls and texts Lisbon immediately called Jane. With each unanswered ring her concern grew, twisting in her gut, spinning around. He didn't pick up on the first call, or the second, or the ninth. Lisbon sighed an gave up, something was wrong. She looked at her missed calls; one from Cho, three from Rigsby, and eleven from Van Pelt. This just added to the ball of worry growing in the pit of her stomach. If Lisbon figured correctly she'd only missed two maybe three days of work. They shouldn't be a fifteen phone calls kind of worried. Considering Van Pelt called eleven times Lisbon concluded that she should call her first.

After just one ring Van Pelt picked up.

"Boss?" Van Pelt answered hopefully.

"Grace! You don't know how good it is to hear your voice." Lisbon exclaimed. It was comforting to hear a familiar voice.

"Yours too! I've been so worried. What happened?" Grace asked breathlessly.

Lisbon's heart sank, "You, you don't know?"

"No, you and Jane wouldn't tell me. Are you okay?"

"I was in a car crash. The details aren't important now." Lisbon rushed "I lost my memory of the past few days. I thought maybe you would be able to tell me what happened."

"Two days ago, so February 4th, at around six in the evening Jane came running down from his attic. He went into your office and was yelling about Red John. It seemed serious and really urgent. A few minutes later you guys left. Rigsby asked where you guys were going, but neither of you would tell him. Jane said it was too dangerous, the more people who knew the more likely it was to fail. You both looked really nervous. You ran off a few seconds later. And I mean real running, you didn't even wait for the elevators you took the stairs." Van Pelt finished.

Lisbon was silent for a moment trying to process everything.

"Thanks Grace, is there anything else."

"Well, a few hours later, I don't know about 9:30ish you came back. You were alone, Jane wasn't there. I had stayed at the office late because I figured you might need information or something. You came in and didn't look so good. You were stumbling and muttering about Jane and Red John. Something must have gone terribly wrong. I tried talking to you but you wouldn't listen. You kept saying that you needed to get away. You went into your office and grabbed a couple of things stuffing them into a bag, I couldn't see what. Something really upset you because I heard a loud cry come from your office. I went in and you were sobbing on the floor. Screaming about something being over. I was worried. I helped you up and took you down to the parking lot. I was planning on taking you to my place until you seemed okay but you resisted and got in your car. You were repeating sorry as you drove away. I was stunned. After your car disappeared into the darkness I didn't know if I was ever going to see you again. I tried to follow you but you were gone..."

Lisbon hadn't noticed until she finished that Van Pelt was crying, she could picture the young agent sitting in the bullpen, red hair tumbling down her shoulders, tears trailing down her face. It broke Lisbon's heart.

"I'm so sorry I scared you Grace."

Van Pelt shook it off. "It's no big deal boss. I'm just glad you're okay. I was so scared."

"Me too." Lisbon admitted. "It's alright now though. We'll figure it."

"Are ya gonna tell me your side of the story now?" Van Pelt asked.

So Lisbon recited the events leading up to her current state.

"Where are you?"

"Utah."

"You're in Utah?" Van Pelt repeated in disbelief.

"Yep."

"Boss, that's like nine hours away!"

"Ten with snow."

"How did you get there?"

"I have no idea."

"Oh, right."

Together they laughed nervously.

"When are you coming home?" Van Pelt asked.

"I'm snowed in now. But the way it sounds, I was running from something. There's a reason I left and I think, I think I need to figure that out before I come back." Lisbon finished.

"Okay." Lisbon could hear the disappointment in Van Pelt's voice. "If you ever need a ride or anything just call me. I'll do what ever you need."

"Thank you so much Grace! Hopefully I'll see you soon."

"You too Lisbon. Feel better and get some rest!"

"Wait! Grace?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you heard anything from Jane?"

"No, but I've tried. I'll let you know if I hear anything."

"Ok, thanks." The defeat hung in her words as Lisbon sighed.

"Hey, I have to go. We've got a new case. But keep in touch Boss. I miss you."

"I miss you too Grace."

Lisbon lingered on the line even after Van Pelt had hung up. Letting go of the phone call was like letting go of home and she wasn't ready to do that.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey everyone! I don't have much to say, I hope you enjoy chapter 5! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Mentalist**

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><p>Days trailed into the next in a blur of sunrises and sunsets. Before Lisbon knew it, a week had passed. She had met Henry, though, other than that not much occurred. Her injuries healed progressively and Sammy remained distant, leaving Lisbon feeling alone and hurt. She heard nothing more from Jane or Van Pelt. Luckily her car had been repaired and the blizzard appeared to lighten for the first time.<p>

The majority of Lisbon's hours were taken up by constant investigating. She wrote down what she knew then rewrote it, she drew timelines and maps, anything that could possibly bring her closer to the truth. Lisbon did her best to interact with the family and be polite but it was difficult with a persistent nagging in the back of her head.

_Jane._ Jane was a whole other black hole of happiness at the moment. Lisbon heard his voice in her dreams and saw his face telling her it was okay. But it wasn't okay, because if it was she wouldn't be here. Late at night she would wake up, a horrible feeling eating her away. It was all very strange to her, after her mom's passing Lisbon had made an effort not to rely on people; getting attached only led to heartbreak.

The moon was a great source of comfort for her, though it felt childish Lisbon smiled at the sight of the silvery orb. Wherever he may be Jane was gazing at that same moon. It could connect them, bring their hearts back together. A single glimmer in a dark world.

One significant morning Lisbon was awaken from her daze.

"Good morning Teresa, since the snow has lightened I was wondering if you wanted to go to the doctor today?" Asked Veronica.

"That'd be great. Do you think they'll have any answers about my memory?" Contemplated Lisbon, voicing her deepest concern.

"They'll probably know something, don't worry dear." Veronica said, placing a comforting hand on Lisbon's knee.

Lisbon smiled warmly, hopeful that she would soon receive clarification and explanations.

"If you'd like we could go now." Veronica offered. Lisbon eagerly agreed.

* * *

><p>Lisbon fidgeted nervously as she waited for the doctor to enter the room. It was bland, white walls and white tile flooring. Veronica sat in the equally exciting waiting room. Lisbon appreciated the privacy, even though she wasn't necessarily fond of doctor trips.<p>

A cheery voice filled the pale room.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Brooks" Introduced the redhead.

Lisbon shook her outstretched hand and introduced herself as Teresa. She had

"Nice to meet you." The nurse greeted kindly.

"What's been bothering you?" Dr. Brooks inquired.

Lisbon recounted an abbreviated version of her story.

"So everything has healed except for your head?"

"For the most part. My rib and wrist are still a bit sore but I'm not worried about them. My memory is what concerns me the most." Lisbon confirmed before elaborating further on her memory loss.

"How long ago was the accident?"

Lisbon thought back; it had been over a week, almost two she replied. It felt as though it had been much longer.

Once Lisbon had described her symptoms; loss of memory, headaches, dizziness, and drowsiness, Dr. Brooks was able to conclude that Lisbon's symptoms were likely caused by a concussion. After further testing and a CT scan Dr. Brooks determined that Lisbon did, indeed, have a concussion.

"Is there anything I can do to fix it? Or get my memory back quicker?"

"The best you can do is rest and take it easy for awhile. Avoid participating in activities that require concentration and may result in overstimulation. You will probably experience your symptoms for a few more days. As for your memory, I can't be sure that it will come back... Though it's possible something might trigger the memories you lost ."

Lisbon was resentful of the idea... she didn't like not knowing. A disappointed sigh escaped her lips, she nodded while glancing at the ground. The doctor sensed Lisbon's frustration.

"It'll be okay." Dr. Brooks reassured with a sympathetic smile.

Lisbon simply nodded, her hopes had been crushed... again.

"You're all good to go, just remember to rest and if you have any questions or concerns feel free to call. If any of your symptoms get worse come in immediately."

Lisbon mumbled a thanks and goodbye as she followed the doctor out of the examination room.

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><p>In the car Lisbon remained silent. Veronica could feel Lisbon's bleak disappointment, it dulled her eyes.<p>

"Hey Teresa, it'll be alright..." The younger woman looked up and met Veronica's eyes. Lisbon bit her lip and squeezed back tears.

"That's what everyone keeps saying but I'm not sure if it's true anymore. I keep waiting for answers but they never come. I just want to be okay." She confessed heartbreakingly. Tears wetted her cheeks, she was so tired of crying.

Veronica was slightly taken aback by Lisbon's sudden outpour of emotions. Most of the time the woman was reserved and walled in but something about her broke in that moment.

"It's awful honey, I hate to see you suffer like this. I know you've heard it more times than you'd like but it really will be okay. The sun is going to shine again, you've just got to wait around a bit. And I'm willing to bet that your memory is going to come back."

Lisbon hiccupped, "Do you really think so?"

Veronica squeezed Lisbon's hand, "I've got a pretty good feeling."

Lisbon's eyes shined with a newfound hope, there was something about having someone by your side. It made everything a little bit easier.

As they were pulling into the driveway Lisbon thanked Veronica.

"You don't have to thank me honey."

"I know, but sometimes I feel like I don't show how much I really appreciate everything you've done for me. I really apologize for being snappy, I'm going to try harder."

"I understand, it's okay. You're under a lot of stress and you're hurting. Also, I know Sammy has been acting shy but trust me she absolutely adores you."

Lisbon smiled a little, "why are you doing all this for me?"

"If one of my daughters were in your place I would want somebody to do the same. Plus, I believe in helping good people."


	6. Chapter 6

The morning buzzed with excitement. Sammy was finally going back to school now that the snowstorm had passed. She raced around the house gathering books and folders to fill her backpack. Her shyness was forgotten as she approached Lisbon while they ate breakfast.

"Teresa, would you help me pick my outfit for school?" Sammy chirped.

Lisbon looked over to Veronica and Henry, they gave her an encouraging nod. Lisbon grinned and turned back to Sammy, "Of course!"

Sammy leapt out of her chair and grabbed Teresa's hand. "Come on! Let's go! Sammy prompted cheerfully as she led Lisbon to the bedroom. Once they were in Sammy's bedroom they began looking at her clothes.

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you." Sammy admitted.

"It's okay," Lisbon smiled "if you ever want to talk you can always come to me..." she assured the little girl.

"Thanks!" Sammy said, surprising Lisbon with a tight hug.

Fifteen minutes later the pair emerged. Sammy was wearing jeans with a navy and white, striped, long sleeve shirt. "Wait!" Sammy said as they entered the hallway.

"What's up?" Lisbon asked.

"Do you think you could braid my hair? My mom used to do it all the time."

"Sure!"

When they left the room a second time Sammy's dark brown hair was in a long French braid. Lisbon helped Sammy put on her winter coat, hat, and gloves. When, finally, they were ready to bear the cold. Lisbon, Veronica, and Henry walked Sammy down to the bus stop. The snow fell in thin flurries. The bus stop was 2 blocks from the house, Sammy chattered eagerly as they walked. A few parents and kids milled around the stop. Minutes later a yellow figure came into view. The bus pulled up and Sammy gave Lisbon, Veronica, and Henry quick hugs before dashing up the steps and sliding into an empty seat. They all waved until the bus drove out of sight.

"What grade is Sammy in?" Lisbon asked the group as they headed home.

"She's in fourth grade." Henry replied.

"She's getting so big. Nine years old, already!" Veronica exclaimed.

* * *

><p>Sammy hopped off the bus and ran to the playground, she still had a few minutes before students had to enter the building. Every morning she met a couple of kids under the big oak tree. Today, as Sammy approached the tree she noticed that nobody was there. Reluctantly, she decided to head over to the school entrance without meeting up with her friends. On her way to the doors she saw a few kids from the group gathering.<p>

"Hey guys!" She said happily.

A few kids looked over, "Oh uh hey" they mumbled.

Sammy bit her lip, she had an uneasy feeling. "Why weren't you guys at the tree today?"

"Because_ you _were." Said one of the girls. A couple of kids snickered.

Sammy looked at the ground and shifted nervously. She should have just walked away but something compelled her to stay.

"What do you mean?" Asked Sammy.

"We don't want you, just like your mom and dad don't want you." Another girl jabbed.

Tears welled up in her eyes, and threatened to spill over. But Sammy held them in, she refused to let them see her cry.

"Don't talk about my mom." Sammy yelled. The frigid winter wind stung her face.

"Why? Is it a touchy subject?" A boy taunted.

She fumed and lost control. Sammy slapped him before spinning on her heel and walking away.

"You'll regret that!" The boy growled.

"Dude, a girl just hit you. You better make sure that doesn't spread around." Sammy heard another boy jab as she willed herself to enter the school.

* * *

><p>"Henry, what time is it?" Called Veronica.<p>

"It's 2:00" He replied.

"We need to go! We have that doctor's appointment and then I promised Karen we'd meet her for an early dinner at 4:30."

Henry grumbled but his eyes twinkled, "alright."

As they rushed out the door Veronica turned to Lisbon. "Teresa, I'm so sorry to dump this on you but could you watch Sammy tonight? You guys can order a pizza and make ice cream sundaes."

Lisbon smiled. "Of course! It's the least I can do."

"Great! Her bus will be at the corner in about thirty minutes, can you walk her home?"

Lisbon nodded.

"Thank you darling. We'll be back around 6:30."

"Ok, have fun!"

* * *

><p>Lisbon shivered in the cold as Sammy trudged off to the bus. She kept her head down and walked straight to Lisbon. Around them parents and kids chattered as they parted ways, each heading down a different street. Lisbon offered a hand to Sammy, she took it. Sammy was bundled up in a thick purple coat and matching hat. Her ungloved fingers were frosty; Lisbon gave them a light squeeze. They walked home quietly, Lisbon could sense that something was upsetting the young girl. The house, a warm haven from the cold, came into view and the girls gratefully slipped inside.<p>

Once they began defrosting Lisbon helped Sammy shed a few of her toasty layers.

"You okay?" Lisbon asked as she assisted Sammy in taking off her coat.

Sammy nodded before bursting into tears. Her face dropped and she openly sobbed, Sammy gasped for breath between her whimpers. Lisbon enveloped the girl in a warm hug. She nuzzled her head into the crook of Lisbon's neck. She rubbed Sammy's back comfortingly and carried her to the couch, placing the little girl on her lap. When the fourth grader's crying had finally subdued she lifted her head and looked at Lisbon.

"What's a matter?" Said Lisbon, she genuinely cared.

"Everyone at school hates me."

"What happened?"

"They made fun of me and said that my mom and dad didn't want me. Then later they laughed at my hair and at lunch when I sat down everyone left the table. And Anthony wouldn't talk to me, I don't know what happened I just..." Sammy sighed. "I don't know how my friends could be so mean like that."

Throughout her childhood Lisbon had experienced her fair share of moments as an outsider. She knew that as a kid, sometimes nothing felt worse than being excluded from a group of people you trusted most. However, Lisbon also knew that a lot of the time the one person you really needed was your mom and unfortunately it seemed as though neither of the girls had that privilege while growing up. But Lisbon decided to do the best that she could, though, she felt rather awkward in these types of situations. Frantically, she racked her brain for things she could say or do.

"Hit them." Lisbon mumbled the first thought that came to her mind.

"What?" Asked Sammy.

"No, no, never mind. That was bad advice. Ummm you should talk it out." Lisbon furrowed her eyebrows as she attempted to cover up her irrational suggestion, all while inwardly cursing her lack of experience and abilities in the department of upset and crying children.

Sammy huffed, "what should I do?"

"What do you want to do?" Lisbon asked, feeling satisfied with her response.

Sammy shrugged. "I don't know."

Lisbon suppressed a groan, _why did this have to be so hard? It'd be so much easier if it was socially acceptable for Sammy to just punch the kid and move on._ Lisbon thought.

Already knowing the answer, Lisbon asked a question her mom had always asked: "Do you want me to call the school?"

"Noooo," Sammy grumbled, "it'll just make it worse."

Lisbon stifled a grin as she had seen that coming.

"I don't want to go back to school tomorrow or ever again. I'm just going to stay here forever." Sammy declared.

"You can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, you have to go to school."

"But I don't want to... they're mean."

"Look at me Sammy," Lisbon said softly, capturing the girl's attention. "You just need to say 'So what?' No matter where you go or what you do in life there's going to be mean people. And you know that what they're saying isn't true. Your mom loves you very much, don't let a couple of bullies tell you any different. And if your friends treat you that way then they're not really worth your time. Go find some new friends that treat you the way you deserve."

Sammy nodded.

"Tell ya what... if you go to school and finish this week strong then, if your grandma and grandpa say yes, I'll take you to do something fun this weekend. Anywhere you want to go, within reason of course."

Sammy's face broke into a smile, "Okay!" she squealed and hugged Lisbon. "Thank you so much Teresa!"

"Anytime." Lisbon promised as she embraced the young girl, feeling contempt for the first time since her arrival. Little did she know, it was all about change...


	7. Chapter 7

Veronica rushed into the bathroom and heard loud, desperate sobs coming from the stall in the farthest corner. She raced to see what was happening. Luckily, the stall's lock was broken and Veronica easily opened the door. Lisbon was sitting on the floor, her back up against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. Violent sobs racked her body.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?" Veronica Inquired. The emotional turmoil and darkness that plagued Lisbon's jubilance were visible in her distressed eyes.

She whispered the few words she feared she'd never be able to say. "I remember. I remember everything," she choked through a tsunami of tears, "and it's horrible."

**24 hours earlier…**

"It's Friday!" Sammy cheered as she barged through the house at promptly 3:35. She tossed down her backpack and plopped down in one of the brown chairs surrounding the kitchen table. The black fabric of Sammy's skirt spread around her white and pink polka-dot tights.

"Hey Sammy!" Lisbon said as she took a seat next to the girl.

"Hey Teresa!" Sammy grinned.

"So, was it worth it to finish the school week?"

Sammy nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I even went over to Chloe's house after school today and we played dress up!"

"Ready for dinner, girls?" Henry asked as he approached the table with a bowl of spaghetti and red sauce.

"Yep." Said Sammy.

"Do you need help with anything?" Lisbon asked, as she rose from her seat.

"No, I think we're okay." Veronica said as she brought over the last of the food.

The dinner conversation was light and drifted through topics easily. As the group was cleaning up Lisbon decided to ask, "Have you decided what you wanted to do this weekend, Sammy?"

"We're really going to go somewhere?"

"Yep, where ever you want?"

Sammy thought about it for a while. "Hmm… oooo could we go play laser tag?!"

"Of course! Henry, Veronica is that okay with you?"

"Sure! It sounds like fun." Said Veronica.

"How about tomorrow afternoon?" Suggested Henry.

The next day the group arrived at Laser 'n' Fun.

"Ready?" Lisbon asked Sammy as they approached the large building.

Sammy nodded vigorously, "Chloe went last week and she said it was so much fun!"

"That's great!"

The building's warm air welcomed the group.

"We'll go take care of the passes." Veronica told Lisbon.

"Okay." Sammy said and took Lisbon's hand. "We can go over there." The little brunette said as she pointed toward an arcade like area.

After a few rounds of air hockey, Veronica and Henry came over to gather the girls and get started with laser tag. Sammy and Lisbon were talking when the couple approached.

Lisbon's head snapped up as her ears caught the familiar name. She froze.

"Come on, Teresa. We're heading into the equipment room." A distant voice called.

"One moment." She mumbled back. Her attention fixated entirely on the newscaster.

"Local sheriff departments and the California Bureau of Investigation have just now confirmed that the body, is indeed the notorious and infamous serial killer, commonly known as Red John. Though, these agencies are not releasing much information at the time we do know that the body has been here for approximately two and a half weeks. The cause of death appears to have been three gun shots: one to the head and two to the chest. We'll report back to you as more information is discovered. Here is the scene of the crime…"

The screen changed to live footage of a road swarming with police officers and CBI agents.

Lisbon's head spun and memories began to resurface in scattered fragments. She closed her eyes and she was back…

_She was chasing something…no, someone. Red John. But where was Jane? They'd been going after the serial killer that night. Jane had found him. Jane had caught Red John off guard. So why wasn't Jane here? She can feel the anxiety that coursed through her veins as she chased Red John. The adrenaline pushed her forward. Lisbon remembered closing in on him. Her hands quivered uncharacteristically as she lined up the shot. Lisbon shut her eyes and pulled the trigger, slipping back into an old habit from her rookie years._

"Are you alright, dear?" Veronica asked.

Lisbon furrowed her eyebrows and opened her eyes as Veronica's voice pulled the younger woman from her reverie.

Shaking her head Lisbon replied, "Oh um yeah… I'm fine."

Veronica shot Lisbon a concerned glance before leading her to the equipment room. Lisbon followed obediently. She couldn't quite shake the feeling that she was teetering over the edge of her memory. She was one spill away from tumbling over the edge; but maybe, that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

"Does everyone have their vests on?" Tony, the Laser 'n' Fun employee asked. A chorus of yeses and general terms of agreement followed.

"Okay. So, lastly, grab your laser gun and pull the trigger. Just double-check that it works and then you'll be ready."

Five minutes later Lisbon found herself in a dark room with a gun in her hands, people raced by, shouting and yelling. It was all too similar to many less-than-pleasurable real life experiences. It might have been the feeling of a trigger beneath her fingers or the sensation that people were trying to shoot her but suddenly Lisbon realized that she was falling off the cliff into the deep dark abyss of her lost memories.

It felt like a punch in the gut, she stumbled backward, grabbing at the air. The walls seemed to close in on her, sending Lisbon's mind into a spiraling, frenzy of pure panic. She slung her vest onto the ground and dropped the gun. Desperately attempting to flee as the world crashed down around her.

Lisbon tore through the course and scrambled out the door beneath a blinking "Exit" sign. She found herself in the girls' bathroom. When she closed her eyes she was back to that fearful night nearly two and a half weeks ago.

Lisbon sunk to the bathroom floor. Her breath hitched in her throat and she cried out, violently pounding the cool tiles with tightly clasped fists. Within seconds her hands throbbed painfully. Though, the pain could never, would never feel as awful as the pain in her heart. Lisbon longed for it to end. She, so badly, wanted it all to go away. If only the hurt would go away and this whole world would go away and he, too, would go away.

Jane.

If only Jane had gone away too. Maybe if he'd never even been there in the first place everything would be better.

_It was his entire fault anyway. _Lisbon thought angrily._ It was that stupid obsession with Red John. Jane just couldn't let it go. And now there was this giant mess. She'd killed him. Red John was dead but so was Patrick Jane._

Her heart clenched tightly and she wondered how much longer she could simply keep breathing. Knowing what had happened was so much worse than she'd imagined.

Veronica rushed into the bathroom and heard loud, desperate sobs coming from the stall in the farthest corner. She raced to see what was happening. Luckily, the stall's lock was broken and Veronica easily opened the door. Lisbon was sitting on the floor, her back up against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. Violent sobs racked her body.

"Oh honey, what's wrong?" Veronica Inquired. The emotional turmoil and darkness that plagued Lisbon's jubilance were visible in her distressed eyes.

She whispered the few words she feared she'd never be able to say. "I remember. I remember everything," she choked through a tsunami of tears, "and it's horrible."

"Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"Oh god. I don't even know where to start. Ok well…"

_She sat at her desk wishing her paperwork was finished so she could go home. The setting sun cast shadows across Lisbon's desk. So far, it had been a typical day. Outside her office, Van Pelt, Cho, and Rigsby, too, were deeply buried in mountains of paperwork. Growing tired of the monotone and dreary task, Lisbon rose from her seat and joined the team in the bullpen._

_"Hey, Boss." The team greeted._

_"Hey guys." Lisbon smiled, "enjoying paperwork?"_

_Van Pelt groaned and Rigsby complained, "It's so boring."_

_Cho scoffed, "not as boring as a T-Rex."_

_"Ya know what—" Rigsby began as he and Cho spiraled into a heated debate regarding dinosaurs. _

_Lisbon and Van Pelt rolled their eyes but neither could suppress the grins that crept across their faces. The light atmosphere was abruptly interrupted when heavy footsteps padded down the stairs. _

_A disheveled Jane appeared with a revenged look deep in his blue eyes._

_"Lisbon, I need to speak with you." The lack of emotion in his voice was even more concerning than his frantic appearance. The air tensed._

_"Okay. Let's go to my office." Lisbon responded._

_Jane followed and adverted his eyes from the other agents' glances._

_Lisbon closed the door behind him and looked up. Jane's eyes locked onto her's when he spoke._

_"Lisbon, we need to leave now. I've got Red John."_

_"How do you know it isn't a trap?"_

_"I just know. Look, I don't have a lot of time. I am going to leave. Nothing you say or do can stop me."_

_"But Jane, you don't even—" Lisbon started, the hurt evident in her voice._

_"I'm going." He declared._

_"Then I'm going too." Lisbon insisted as she shrugged on her coat._

* * *

><p><em>"Is this it?" Lisbon asked when she pulled over beside Jane on the side of a dark road. She stepped out of her car next to him.<em>

_"Almost, we can't drive any further, we'll have to walk." He whispered so softly that his partner could barely make out the words._

_"Follow me." He uttered,_

_Lisbon nodded and hoped that Jane wouldn't do something either of them would regret. They silently crawled. After what felt like an eternity, Jane stopped moving. He gently pulled Lisbon behind a bush._

_"See that building over there." Jane pointed to the dark outline of a in the blackness. "That's it. That's where we're going. Before we go I wanted to tell you that this is Red John and I will do anything to kill him."_

_Lisbon nodded, unable to trust her voice._

_"And also, thank you, Teresa. I mean it. Thank you."_

_"It's what partners are for." She shrugged nonchalantly. Though, her emerald eyes told a different story._

_Jane waved his hand signaling that it was time to go. The pair crept down the street. Silence settled over the sleepy road like snow on a rooftop. The agent and consultant's footsteps and quickened breath were the only disturbances in the eerily calm outside of the house or what once was one._

_Carefully, they entered the building through a dilapidated door. Both Lisbon and Jane drew their guns and trampled over the messy floors. Graffiti saturated the walls. The only source of light was a dim glimmer from the crescent moon sitting in the sky._

_A thick rigidity hung in the cool, night air. The floorboards creaked and every shuffle sent terror through the small agent's body. Never before had she been so nervous about catching a criminal. But this criminal was Red John. The serial killer who'd murdered Jane's family, had Lisbon shot, and forced Van Pelt to pull the trigger on her fiancé. This was a man who'd tormented them for years. _

_Lisbon though of all the people Red John had killed, all the families he'd torn apart. A vengeance so powerful it frightened Lisbon racked her body as she made a silent vow to herself and everyone Red John had ever hurt. Tonight, Red John would take his final breath._

_The house was rather large and Lisbon immediately regretted their lack of planning. Red John could be anywhere. Behind Lisbon was Jane, who was equally worried and equally unwilling to admit it._

_As Jane followed Lisbon his pant leg caught on something in the floor. He tugged at it, desperately attempting to free his limb._

_Giving up, he called quietly to Lisbon. "Lisbon, I'm stuck."_

_She shushed him and bent down to help. Running her thin fingers along the wooden floorboards she located where the threads had been trapped. At first, Lisbon thought her mind was playing tricks on her but as she peered closer, the agent noticed that a faint light was seeping through the cracks. Lisbon tediously slid her fingers around the edges of the board, lifting it up._

_Jane gratefully moved his leg and turned around to investigate Lisbon's discovery. The petite woman's heart pounded in her chest. She wiped away the sweat that formed at her brow, despite the chilly air._

_As she said a silent prayer, Lisbon and Jane began pulling out a large quantity of boards as softly as they could. Finally, after a few dreadfully long minutes a staircase was revealed. Her eyes met Jane's and he nodded. The reassurance was all she needed. Knowing something monumental was about to occur, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, sucking cold air into her lungs, reminding her that she was alive._

_The fearless CBI agent lowered herself onto the first platform. The consultant followed. As she descended the stairs Lisbon noticed a foreign shadow. She clutched her gun tighter and hoped that everything would be okay. The dark figure made a sudden movement. There was some scuffling then, the light went out…_

_The muscles in Lisbon's body became stiff. Her stomach flip-flopped and she held her breath._

_"It appears that I have visitors…" A sickening voice sneered, not letting on its shock._

_"Stop playing games." Jane demanded. "We know who you are."_

_"You may know **who** I am but do you know **where** I am?" The voice toyed._

_The agent and consultant made their way down the stairs._

_"If only I could get the lights." Lisbon's mind raced and she inwardly cursed herself for not bringing a flashlight. Her fingers brushed a chain. Instincts told the agent that it was connected to the light. She took a chance and yanked the metal._

_Dank, yellow light filled the room. The seconds inched by as Lisbon took her aim. Then, just as her fingers grazed the trigger, the room went dark again. She heard a gunshot and a bullet barreled passed Lisbon. She could feel the wind whip at her face as the bullet tore by._

_Jane's footsteps pounded by her and up the stairs. They'd agreed earlier that if necessary, Jane would block the exit. Therefore, Jane was likely to be the one who killed Red John. Lisbon felt around in the dark for the light, hoping to relocate Red John. A clang in the corner revealed the target's position in a matter of seconds Lisbon had fired her gun. A sigh of relief escaped her lips._

_That was it._

_He was gone._

_But then… a voice croaked._

_"Lisbon."_

_Every cell in her body screamed "no" as she collapsed beside him, falling to her knees. The frightened pang in his voice told Lisbon all she needed to know._

_"Oh my god. Oh my god." She repeated breathlessly._

_"Jane, I thought… you were… I didn't mean to…oh my god… Jane...I'm so sorry." Lisbon choked out, guilt paralyzed her body._

_The moon provided just enough light to make out his weakening form._

_"Lisbon, listen to me. It's okay. I need you to go kill him. We're so close, it's now or never."_

_"But Jane, I shot you in the chest."_

_"I'll be fine. Just trust me, go kill him and then leave. Drive away as far as you can."_

_"I can't leave you here alone. You'll—you'll die!"_

_He hushed her. "I know people who will help me. I'll survive. I promise."_

_"Okay, okay." Lisbon agreed, only for Jane. Only because she was going to kill the monster who started all of this._

_"Go get him. Then get away. You'll know when to come back."_

_Lisbon nodded tearfully as she turned away._

_"Teresa?" He asked quietly._

_"Mmhhmmm." She answered._

_"One more thing… no matter what happens, however this nightmare ends, I need you to know. I love you."_

_Lisbon blinked away her tears and swallowed the lump in her throat._

_"I love you too." She uttered the sacred words, her voice barely above a whisper._

_Lisbon leaned over and squeezed his hand a final time before walking away. As she bounded up the stairs Lisbon heard Jane whisper good luck. Nervous anticipation electrified her body. The brunette's mind was in too much shock to comprehend what she was doing. It felt as if her body was following commands from elsewhere. Her limbs acted before she told them to. The frigid air outside the cabin slapped her like ice-cold water. The agent caught a glimpse of Red John's figure entering the forest. Lisbon took off sprinting toward him. Her boots pounded down on the pavement. Knowing that the killer had a lead only fueled Lisbon to push harder._

_Lisbon decided to cut through the woods diagonally on a worn out trail in hopes that she would cut him off. Her lungs burned and her legs ached as she raced after the criminal. Periodically, Lisbon looked over to make sure that she was keeping pace. They went on like this for over a mile._

_When Red John's pace began slowing down, Lisbon's younger, more agile body allowed her to accelerate. She quickly gained on him. Finally, Lisbon's path met with her target's._

_Stealthily, she slipped in behind him, like a lion stalking its prey. Lisbon waited patiently and focused on steadying her breath. When Red John slowed from a jog to a walk she did too. It was vital that Red John remained unaware of Lisbon's presence. Every inch of her body shivered and she had to bite down to keep her teeth from chattering in the icy weather._

_When Red John stopped to rest, Lisbon knew it was time. She emerged from a group of bushes. Before the killer could reach for his gun Lisbon had pulled her trigger. Three times and he was out. When Lisbon's fingers drew the metal she felt nothing: no fear, no regret, no relief, only numbness and a strange sensation that life was changing. But as the light slipped out of his eyes Lisbon didn't see a killer, she saw a person._

_Without recollection of how, Lisbon found herself back at the car. The sight of Jane's Citroen caused the distressed agent to scream and hit the door of her own SUV. She couldn't bring herself to get in. Lisbon needed to go back to Jane; she needed to know that he was okay._

_She needed to get out of this nightmare._

_But you can't wake up from reality._

_In her traumatized state, Lisbon couldn't remember which house they were in. She couldn't do it. As the adrenaline wore off so didn't her numbness and she suddenly felt everything. It hurt so badly._

_Standing alone in the frigid weather she was forced to let go._

_Lisbon slammed the door closed and blatantly ignored her seat belt. If a car hit her she'd probably say thank you. Physically, the agent was in the vehicle but her mind was elsewhere, the image of Jane's bloody chest stuck in her head. Suddenly all she could hear was Jane's voice urging her to get away after she's killed Red John, and Lisbon knew that she had to._

_Lisbon ended up in the CBI parking lot. She didn't have the nerve to face whoever she might have met in the elevator so instead she climbed the stairs. The hour was late and the office was nearly empty. It was all a blur of shoving a few items into a bag and a certain red-headed agent trying to comfort Lisbon._

_But Van Pelt didn't know. She didn't know what happened, what Lisbon did and the brunette was terrified that the younger agent would hate her if she knew._

_So Lisbon left, for what felt like the millionth time that day._

_If only she had known it would turn out this way, she could've changed it. But instead she was driving down an interstate in the dead of the night with a few possessions in a mostly empty trunk. Cars were scare on the road at that time of night or early morning, she didn't really know nor did she care. The darkness enveloped her surroundings; the streetlights seemed to be the only things reminding her that she was still on Earth, that this was all real. The stillness of the world was both comforting and unnerving as she drove along. The crackle of the static radio and the soft hum of her car provided the only noises. _

_Lisbon's mind drifted and sure enough it stumbled upon the very topic she was running from. She can't believe that Jane is gone, that she shot him. Realistically, Lisbon knows that there is no way Jane survived and it kills her._

_As she drove on through the darkened hours of the early morning her mind played with reminiscent, twisting the events, rearranging them, trying to make sense of it all. Attempting to differentiate between reality and nightmare, but they both seemed the same. Cities blended together and the time went with them. The tears would gather in her eyes, blurring her vision and pooling up until they spilled over. Furiously she would wipe them away. Her hands trembled and she cried until there were no more tears left to cry._

_She didn't think._

_She just drove,_

_and drove,_

_and drove,_

_away._

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That's it! The Long Road Home is now completed. I really hope you all enjoyed it. I had a fantastic time writing it... let me know what you think.**


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